This used to be my favorite time of year. All the Birthdays and the Holidays. I loved watching you go shopping and buying presents you knew everyone would love. Now it just brings me sadness that you are not here. I keep hope that you can still see your children and grandchildren from where you are and that you are enjoying their lives as you would have if you were here with us. I miss you so much Darling. Somedays the pain is so unbearable I just want to curl up and cry. I go to work everyday just to have something to do. I want you back so we can enjoy each others company again.. I want to go with you on vacations and enjoy our grandchildren together. Shelby is becoming such a beautiful young lady and Audrey is so fiesty. She makes me laugh evvery time I see her. Miss you and Love you Babe
I remember all those days when I'd just come over to your house and we'd lounge around and do nothing. It wasn't because we couldn't go out and do something, it was because we enjoyed doing nothing with each other. I remember in the summertime going over to your house and I'd sleep in and you'd be up at the crack of dawn. You or Papa would make muffins or pancakes or bacon, and sometimes I would help. Or Papa would go to work and we'd just relax, watch some cooking shows (EVOO and sammies
) and chill. We'd play mah jong on the computer and just be us. I can never say anything bad about you, because there's nothing bad about you. I love you. I always have and I always will. You're forever in my heart. I'm naming my first daughter after you :)
Love,
Your Granddaughter,
Shelby
So I started a new job and it is soooo boring but there is a guy there named Phillip and all I can think of is how we always would call Phillip like Lillian did on the Rugrats. Shelby and I laugh about it and one day I am going to ask him if he ever watched it, because he might be just young enough to have lol. Shel also said if she has twins, she will name them Phillip and Lillian lol.
People say if you remember the good things it will help. Well it doesn't. I only have good memories and it hurts to know I will never have any more. I remember I have always missed you when we were apart. If I was gone on a mission or assigned to a place you couldn't go or if I was in some school, my thoughts were always about wanting to be back with you. You were my life and it stopped when you departed. I know I have great family members whose shoulders I can cry on and very supportive children. But that does not seem like enough. I need my lifes partner and best friend to see me through this. It feels like an extended mission where I am not sure when I will get hope to my Sweetie and I wonder each day when we will get to see each other again. People say think of your children and grandchildren, the only problem is when I do I think of you and how much you love each and every one of them with your entire heart and soul. I think how little Audrey will not get the pleasure of knowing one of the most wonderful Wifes/Mothers/ and Grandmothers that was ever born. I think of them and I see your smile in their smile and it hurts because you are not here. I look in their eyes and see your smiling face beaming with pride. They have always been your pride of accomplishment and joy. You were born to be a mother and loved every minute of it. I miss that. I don't think time will heal I believe I will be healed when we can be together again. I think of how you were so much a part of their lives and they are better because of that. It saddens me that I can not be that rock for them and I don't know how to help ease their pain when I am barely hanging on without you. It doesn't seem like a Year has passed. I watch a video with you and Shelby the other day and laughed and cried at how much joy she brought you. Well enough of the whinning Babe. Until we meet again I will always love and miss you my Wife, Lover, Teacher, Life partner and Best Friend. Even though the vows say until "Death do we part" the love never ends and never will. I love and miss you each and every day and if the pain never ends, I will have to live with it because I will never forget you or stop loveing you EVER
